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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609599">of lavender fields and sunflowers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrasteanate/pseuds/procrasteanate'>procrasteanate</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Ghost Wooyoung, I wrote this on impulse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Oops, ateez tries to cheer up san, but its not really expressed, its not really that sad, not really - Freeform, san is an orphan, san is just sad, san likes sunflowers, san loves his friends but he loves wooyoung more, san misses wooyoung, seongjoong parents, the rest of ateez are just mentioned, wooyoung is a biker, wooyoung is dead lol, wooyoung is san's reason of existence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:41:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/procrasteanate/pseuds/procrasteanate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>san really thought he was fine,</p><p> </p><p>he wasn't.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi San/Jung Wooyoung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>of lavender fields and sunflowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i can't fucking stop crying i hope writing this will make me feel a lot better.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>san thought he was fine.</p><p>after losing wooyoung on a summer night in the early summer of august to a motorbike accident and drowning himself in his tears the following week, he thought he was going to be fine.</p><p>with seonghwa and hongjoong, occasionally his other friends too, coming over nearly every day to check up on him and shower him with cuddles and movie nights, he thought maybe he really was fine.</p><p>but he wasn't. san wasn't fine and he knew. sitting on his bed, december breeze kissing his skin almost painfully as he wore nothing but a thin shirt- wooyoung's, and his sweatpants, he cried.</p><p>san sobbed silently onto his hands, thin and weak because he couldn't seem to eat anything after losing wooyoung, chewing and throwing up shortly after.</p><p>four painful months had gone by and san felt more empty than ever- hollow.</p><p>"don't cry," wooyoung's familiar voice sounded as san looked up- straight at the body sized mirror in front of him. wooyoung stared straight at him through the mirror, wearing his iconic leather jacket than san had stashed under his bed because everytime he sees it he ends up with a razor on his right hand, familiar black orbs gleaming as his fingers reach up to wipe san's tears away.</p><p>"woo, i can't do this anymore," san whispered out, leaning into wooyoung's icy hand, "i-i can't."</p><p>"san-" "no woo, i can't," san cut off,  frail body trembling, "it hurts to live without you here, i just- i can't do this anymore."</p><p>"oh sannie," wooyoung tugged him closer and san swears wooyoung's radiating heat. big hands rubbed circles on his back as san calmed down, melting into the warm and fuzzy embrace of his dead boyfriend.</p><p>and for once, san is fine.</p><p>drowning in the endless spiral of grief he finally reaches the end and he sees wooyoung, beaming at him in the middle of a vast field of lavenders, matching his tousled hair, "you're here!" in his hands was a bouquet of sunflowers- san's favourite.</p><p>and san knows he's fine when he reaches out to hug wooyoung and cry, the sun setting behind them as their silhouette becomes one.</p><p>when he looks back to see the abyss he came from, it was replaced with iridescence, a small window in the middle of it. in it, he sees himself, on his and wooyoung's bed back in their shared apartment, crimson tainting his shirt and pooling on the white sheets, painting it a pretty red.</p><p>san feels wooyoung covering his eyes, kissing the back of his neck, "don't see." he smiles softly as he turns back to face his boyfriend, intertwining their hands, "let's go."</p><p>he turns back one last time and he sees their friends, grins plastered on their faces and waving at him.</p><p>"i'm fine now, thanks for everything," san smiles, bowing slightly and waving. </p><p>and when san and wooyoung merges into the sunset, san can proudly say that he is, indeed, fine.</p>
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